Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
This quote just spoke to me this week. I’ve been pretty sick all week and stayed home from work 3 days this week. During those days, I had time to think about my life and where it is going…and where it has been.
I have always felt different from everyone else. Always felt that I was meant for something big. I had big dreams…but what happened? I am here…not fulfilling my dreams. I stopped to think.
Does everyone have big dreams? And if everyone has big dreams, what keeps some people from realizing them? And was I one of those people? Do I need to accept that I will never achieve my dreams?
So, first – does everyone have big dreams? This I’m not 100% sure on but I would venture a guess that most people do. Look at how many people try get-rich-quick schemes. Do so many people fall for those types of things because we all innately want to do something big? Be something great? I talk to people all the time and almost always, someone has a dream. Something that they hold dear to them, that they hardly tell anyone, that if they had a million dollars they would do that first. Why do we need to wait until we have a million dollars to do these things? What is stopping us from pursuing our dreams?
Second – What keeps us from realizing our dreams? I think this is why today’s quote resonates with me so much. I truly to think it is fear that holds us back. Maybe we fear failing because we think we cannot afford to lose our jobs, or not make the income for our families. Maybe it’s a fear of being in the spotlight. Maybe it’s a fear of what others would think of our dreams. But maybe, like Marianne Williamson said, it is because we know we could be great, be powerful and that scares us. It shatters our perception of ourselves. It shakes up our reality. It forces us to see ourselves in a different way than we do now.
Third – Am I one of those people? Do I need to accept that I will not make my dreams come true?
I think NOT!
I think not…I mentally slapped myself. I have been thinking this for the past decade. Ever since I dropped out of college, I felt that I had to settle for whatever I could get. Whatever guy decided to date me, whatever job decided to hire me, whatever life threw at me I accepted as my lot in life for failing at college. A decade later, I finally realized that I was just letting life bully me. I had never let things be what I didn’t want when I was growing up…what had changed?
You know, I’m not totally sure what changed. It was probably a bunch of things. I know I was too hard on myself in college, to be perfect and do well in school but to also work so that I could get things I couldn’t under my parents. I also tried to have it all, the first taste of “true” freedom. I tried to touch the sun with wax wings. I also fought off depression. I thought that I was ugly and fat and stupid (when I couldn’t get some of the material in college – which is normal btw). The fact that no one wanted to be my boyfriend in high school kinda solidified that for me. Then when college rolled around, I hadn’t had any experience with relationships. So, when they didn’t work right off the bat, I thought there was something wrong with me.
So, I just said screw it all. I stopped trying. Then 10+ years later, I was no closer to where I wanted to be, not doing what I wanted to do…and mostly struggling through life.
Fast forward a little, to present day. I have chosen to pursue my dreams. I applied to a university, to be accepted into a pretty rigorous program. I am hoping to get into. I felt that I had a good interview. I would really like to get in. I know that if I do not get in, I will be extremely disappointed. However, I am making a commitment to myself that I will keep pursuing my dreams from this point on. I need to.
And I think that’s the difference between people who make their dreams a reality and those that just visit their dreams in their fantasies. I believe it is a commitment. A belief in yourself to soldier on, even when things aren’t going your way or don’t look promising. It’s that commitment to yourself that you will accept nothing less that gets you to the promised land…the place where you are who you want to be and you’re doing the things you want…
I hope in the next few years that I can tell you I made it…that I am working in a lab/hospital somewhere or as a professor at a university…teaching and creating. Things I love doing. I won’t accept anything less anymore.
The Tortugita 